Went away for the weekend so when i get back on Monday night its crunch time people!

IM gonna keep track by journaling mostly and some updates on here, as for nutrition im not sure, ive only been eating when im hungry which backfires on me all the time cause i starve and by the end of night im sitting in my pantry,i know what works for me and its eating often smaller meals so im gonna make an effort to jounal my eating!!

CAnt wait to get back to it, once again ill be lifting really light so just remember if it wasnt for my surgery id probably crush you! lol

did i mention its 75 degrees here in Fayettenam! ugh

Past days

Tuesday: 8x250 meter row

Wednesday: same as Tuesday, I've hesitated starting my modified version of strenght because I'm leaving for a few days,

I didn't keep a specific pace ,I only did this at level 1 (usually like to do it at 8) but that one feels like a level 8 right now, its not bad on my shoulder cause there's no bouncing just sore from under use, if anything i feel like the rowing is helping me with my back strenght since i cant really lift for my back.

Today, went for a good hour walk with Michelle with some hills, I forgot how just speed walking is killer, and when i think about how I use to stay in shape on top of lifting i walked allot , few miles everyday, so i think i will start with this, that running the other really made my shoulder ache and I'm still feeling like its out of place so listening to the body.

So I'm gonna get back on track with blogging because in the past keeping track is what worked for me so why cant i just apply my good education to myself!

The Shoulder situation, well Ive healed well but still lots of recovery to come, Ive mainly been trying to walk and i know theres so many others i can do but i guess my mentally is to give up if i cant go all out, i really have a hard time with baby steps. I'm in lots of pain now in the opposite shoulder which scars me because its the same feeling i had with my recovering shoulder, i can carry my kids but i look like Ive never lifted in my life cause its a struggle. I have a hard time when I'm holding the kids hand with that arm because i few times it felt like it was coming out of the socket, i i know now i need to pace it out, for example last night i went to Estep originally to walk uphill on the treadmill and of course there men and women running so what did i do I STARTED RUNNING, i ran 2 miles and shouldn't have, as much as i was trying to keep my arm tight to my body the bouncing motion really hurt. Strenght training and all other training is my passion, I love to learn more about it everyday and teach it or show people, to see them excel, but why cant i coach myself?? Well life happens right? this past year was difficult for me, back home my mother being sick and felling guilty that i cant help her, the ongoing shoulder thing, the hubby being gone almost the whole year and year to come, and everything just hit me. I felt like i let everything make me fall apart. Well Ive accepted allot this year and that is to focus on one thing! GOD. I'm learning not too obsess about things or if i didn't workout cause i use to let that take over my day or vacation. Right now I'm just gonna stick to a plan and not get off track and i mean even if i cant do as much as i use to just do what i can, when i can. I'm seeing the affect on my girls with daddy being gone so much an they need me now.

SO off to Crossfit today, trying to choose between strenght workouts or extremely modified WOD's.

Now please forgive me cause every now and then i might have to talk about when i Back Squated 225lbs ( yes im one of those people and i think you all know that already) lol

Surgery Scheduling

TOmorrow morning im off to Nashville to talk with the Surgeon ( let's not forget his name DR.Cutright ..seriously) and to schedule the surgery, im anxious and happy this is all moving so fast but scared about the recovery and the handling of the kids, but im excited for the durgery im hoping one of them will take a picture for me while im asleep! Anyway look like it might be the begining of Dec or if I really try to plan this all out ill have to wait, its finding the help, after talking to his nurse today she said recovery is great if i play things right but that first week is strictly no movement, so im worried about that. im already getting Christmas decorations up and maybe thinking to start cooking meals and freezing them, getting new beds for the girls and Meadow has no choice now but to bed on a big girl bed.

Im so frustrated about everything, pushing the cxart at Walmart today I can just feel bone digging on bone and its crucially painful, so i dont think i can put this off no more, im really trying to convinve myself that ill come back from this stronger and better and more muscular lol, sometimes it takes the worst for the best to come out!

Ive been reading allot of medical journals and patients blogs stuff like that and i found someone with the same issue i have and a lifter, who new something was wrong and they put them threw PT just like me and actually made things so much worse and now I know why I got worse, PT's are recommended by your regular Doc and they worked me hard, and I got strong but I always left there with a steroid injection, im at the point where im gonna do whats right for me, I probably wont go back to heavy power lifting or olypic lifts, i will only stick to the light weight with higher rep. Ill let you know when the surgery is.

Update

SO after getting my first MRI on my right shoulder, they still wanted to do a closed MRI on my left shoulder and my neck, the first one was an open MRI and still not very clear, anyway the reason for the Neck MRI at the same time was because I was having some Degenerative Disc Disease (ok they call it disease but its in no way progressive or contagious its just called that) SO result were yesterday, first thing is is that my cervical spine ( neck area) has 5 bulging discs out of 7 (7 in total in the cervical area) and its not a good thing at 30years of age, but i can fix that with being real carefully how I position my neck and all that stuff, i have mild pain in my neck but never thought anything of it. That was depressing to hear, then my shoulder result (not good but happy to hear) wear a fully torn bicep tendon at the shoulder, so bad they could hardy see the tendon in the MRI so that cannot heal on its own and why Ive been in constant pain all the time and its turned into severe tendinitis in my shoulders because i was compensating allot, also full partial tear in my left shoulder, and that is at the point were it heal over time or just get it fixed in surgery while there in there reattaching the bicep tendon. I go next week to meet the surgeon and explain how it will all work, they will start with a microscopic camera to look at everything and then proceed to cut and fix everything, recovery time will probably be about a month, they said shoulder surgery is good recovery but strict or everything will detach, so if i have strict recovery I will be 100% and will slow progression i will be better than new. I will probably most likely have surgery the first week of Dec, my hubby will maybe be home mid Dec so I will be able function just not forcing myself allot, ill probably have the kids in day care as much as i can till the 2ND week. I will have to wear a sling all day. The only thing I was really upset about, well I cried over the phone to my hubby saying that i don't want flabby arms, skin and bone, haha I really am paranoid about that. SO what did i do yesterday I walked uphill for an hour and did leg presses the estep gym on post.

So The past few days I have been doing cardio I h avent touched any weight in ahwile, I feel horrible and Im always in pain, I go next week to a Ortho Surgeon to give me the results of my MRI. Im going tomorrow to get a shot in my shoulder, so that will help for a few days, ive been trying to stay awau from pain meds but im gonn ahave to ask for more tomorrow because I cant take it no more, the nights are horrible, sometimes I wake up to no feeling in my arm and sometimes it pops so bad i cry. I just wanna know what exactly is wrong and how to fix it so i can start having some hope again.

Got my MRI today, was longer than expected was in the machine exactly 47min and i feel asleep but it makes such weird noise i kept waking up scared lol the other thing i notice still till now i feel really sick to my stomach, maybe the magnetic energy from the machine?? but i was only able to run 20 min partly cause i felt sick and because my knee is hurting, did lunges and sit ups at home (todays WOD).

Ill have results in a couple of days!!